Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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