enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize