When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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