Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
