I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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