he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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