Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize