The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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