I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
