The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
