youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just tell him i said nine months
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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