well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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