Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
