FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
