i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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