I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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