I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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