Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
