You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
