I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
