Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
