You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
