she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
