I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize