NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
