I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
