I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
