I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
