Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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