rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
