is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
