Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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