47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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