Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The uberlube is also flammable
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
