I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
