mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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