She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
