they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
