She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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