So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
