Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize