i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's always time for handjobs
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
