I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
