remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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