I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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