erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
