Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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