belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
