I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
