I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
