My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
