When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
