i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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