life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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