I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
