That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
