ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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