i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
