We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
