What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
