As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize