No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
