she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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