I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
