your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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