My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
