I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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