Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
