How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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