Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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