So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
